Naked Statues Make Me Think

Celebrity Touch Target: Calvin Klein

Why:  Because the famous fashion designer has been in my pants for years

Where:  The new Uniqlo store in SOHO

How:  The last place you would expect to find Calvin Klein is at a Japanese discount clothing store in Manhattan, but there he was, floating down the stairs with his little Gasian (gay-Asian… no relation to the Craisin).  This time, something did come between him and his Calvin (digital high-five to me for dated Brooke Shield’s reference).  I had to be careful, because Gasians are known to attack blond white guys without warning and the last thing I need is to be mauled by someone in a crocheted Fendi poncho.  As Calvin walked by, I bent down as if to tie my white LA Gear high tops, cautiously reached out and touched his pant leg.  I then quickly curled up in the fetal position to protect myself from the furious attack which never materialized.  Celebrity Touch™ secured!