I Touch Celebrities

It might sound rather odd or even perverse, but the simple fact is: I like to touch celebrities. You see, although I have met many celebrities through my careers as a marketing professional, television reporter and blossoming stand up comedian, the simple fact is, I don’t really have that much to say to your average celebrity (not to mention your uber-celebrity… or even Paris Hilton, although I have touched her twice… and yet, I am still disease free!). I don’t quite have the same life experiences, or social circles as a real celebrity (although David Geffen once invited me to a hot tub party). A typical conversation between a celebrity and an average bloke like me might sound something like:

“Gee Bono. I really loved your last album.”

“Feeling lucky, Clint Eastwood?”

“I really respect your work, Melanie Griffith.”

Lame, right? There is simply nothing I could say that would spark any interest from a celebrity, because they have heard it all before from a million other people (except that last line about Melanie Griffith). So, I don’t want to talk to them, but I do want to have some kind of moment with them so I can brag to my friends… even if the celebrity doesn’t even know that moment ever happened.

There is nothing worse than telling your friends you saw a big celebrity and you did nothing about it… who cares!?! Your friends can have the same experience seeing them on TV. The key is to have some kind of interaction, no matter how small, to give yourself something to remember.

So, this is why I started touching celebrities. Mind you, I would never touch them in an inappropriate manner… all it takes is a brush of an arm, a pinkie finger on the back, the slightest footsie… and they have been touched. It isn’t always as easy as it sounds as you will find out, but the results are almost always interesting.

This is blog is about how I became a serial celebrity toucher and my tactile, yet tasteful exploits along the way. I hope you enjoy the touchy, feely ride.

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One Response to I Touch Celebrities

  1. Sheila B says:

    There is a show all about this on A&E, it's called obsessed. Get help!

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